The pace of change has speeded up greatly. But it is not just the pace of change that leaves us disorientated. To feel as though everything is "up in the air", as one so often does during times of personal transition, is endurable if it means something - if it is part of a movement toward a desired end. But if it is not related to some larger and beneficial pattern, it simply becomes distressing.
Moreover, the experience of being in transition is itself changing. Being in between marriages or careers takes a particularly painful quality when those things are changing profoundly. It is as if we launched out from a riverside dock to cross to a landing on the opposite shore – only to discover in midstream that the landing was no longer there. (And when we looked back at the other shore, we saw that the dock we had left from has broken loose and were heading downstream.) Stuck in transition between situations, relationships, and identities that are also in transition, many of us are caught in a semipermanent condition of transitionality.
Transition is a three phase process composed of (1) an ending, followed by (2) a period of confusion and distress - the neutral zone, and (3) a new beginning, for those who had come that far. It is seen as the natural process of disorientation and reorientation making the turning points in the path of growth.
Throughout nature, growth involves periodic accelerations and transformations: Things go slowly for a time and nothing seems to happen – until suddenly the eggshell cracks. With us is the same. Although the signs are less clear, the functions of transition times are the same. They are key times in the natural times process of development and self renewal. Without understanding of such natural times of transition, we are left impossibly hoping that change will bypass us and let us go on with our lives as before.
Letting go of an old situation, of suffering the confusing nowhere of in-betweenness, and of launching forth again in a new situation is difficult. Those who had chosen to make the changes that had put them into transition tend to minimize the importance of endings. Those who had gone into transition unwillingly or unwittingly found it very hard to admit that new beginnings and a new phase of their lives might be at hand. They all agree that the in-between place was strange and confusing.
Our old life has gone…So why is it so difficult to talk about ?
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